...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
