Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
