My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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