a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
