Your tits are I can't wait for
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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