Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The air was thick with penises
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
