Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
