my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
