what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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