Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Girls should come with a carfax report
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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