i think i have two assholes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
