Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
