Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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