That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
