dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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