youre lurking in front of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
