Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
