Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
