His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
