His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
