Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
