There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
