My first STD was from a foam party
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
