Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
