I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
