and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
