I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
