i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
