And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
