Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
