when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
