I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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