Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
