I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
