That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
someone owes me an orgasm
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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