her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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