Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
