I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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