You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
