Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
