How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
