I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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