sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
