i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
