gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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