can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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