Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
