i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
