when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
