How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
