just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
