You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
