So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
