Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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