I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
