3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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