The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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