Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
