i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
