I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
