you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
