i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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