I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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