Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
