Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
