of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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