I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
